Follow the Leader I: It's no good
by WandaS
Summary: Raphael drives Leonardo crazy, and Leo feels like his forced to do something hasty.
1. Prologue: I'll lead you

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
Okay, it's the first published TMNT-fanfic for me. Hopefully it's enjoyable.

My universe of the Turtles is a weird mixture of all the incarnations. I guess I'm kind of a cherry picker.  
This fic is inspired mostly by the movie 2k7, and it's set before it.

I don't own the TMNT.

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FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD 

PROLOGUE – I'LL LEAD YOU

"_Come on, Leo, this way! Mikey and Donny won't ever find us!"_

"_This is too far, Raph. I'm not sure if we are supposed to be in here at all."_

"_Let me show the way. Just follow my lead."_

"_But Raph, what's the point in hide and seek if we are not to be found? Isn't that just boring?"_

"_Leo, you're such a wimp. Come on, when I'm in charge, things won't ever be boring."_

"_You'll prolly make a courageous leader when we are grown ups, Raphie. But your decisions are sometimes rather odd."_

"_Hah, when I'm the leader, I'll lead us good."_

"_No doubt, Raphie, I do trust you. But still this is gonna be boring..."_


	2. I Last of the milk carton

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD

I – LAST OF THE MILK CARTON

"Raph, I don't trust you, to be honest."

"I'm so fed up with yer self-importance, ya now that, ya shitty excuse of a leader!"

"Why are you being so selfish?"

"So it's selfish ta have some privacy and a life that ain't revolving around ya, Fearless, huh?"

"No, but it's selfish to endanger us, Raph. And you know it."

"I'm damn curious ta know why ya think I've put yer sorry ass in danger. Ya know nothin' 'bout me, so fuck off!"

"And that's the thing, Raph. You see, how am I supposed to trust when I don't know --"

"So_trustin' _is the same thing as _knowin'_ now??"

"Quit being such an idiot, Raphael. I am very well aware of what you did on_ that_ night and it put our family in great danger --"

"Ya know nothin', Leo, and I'm not gonna report ya my personal business!"

"Here we go again", Donatello buried his face into his hands after watching few minutes his two brothers arguing over nothing. Michelangelo padded his brother's arm in order to comfort him.

"I know, dude. It's like the mornin' teethbrushing; Ya hate it, but can't start the day without it."

"Well, that's not exactly what I meant, but close enough", Don sneered.

"It's always you feeling this or you feeling that! Raph, if you only did some thinking more --"

"Oh no, Fearless! It's ya who think too big thoughts fer yer brain. Leave the thinkin' ta our Brainiac here, before ya forget how ta use yer instincts, bro."

"Leonardo. Raphael. Enough!"

Master Splinter entered the kitchen letting his inquiring glance hit every one of his sons. The two quarreller backed off a little, still staring daggers at each other.

"I see mere two different ways to approach a matter, but no reason to argue", he told locking his gaze at the troublemaking sons. Almost reluctantly Leonardo took his eyes off from his brother, who still seemed ready to attack in any minute.

"You should rather take heed from each other than fight."

"Yes,_sensei, _you're absolutely right", Leo nodded a little. Raph gave a faintly snort, not giving any gestures of submission.

"What is the reason of the argument?" Splinter asked while he slowly paced to his teakettle, sounding more bored than angry,

"Leonardo's brain capacity? Or was it Raphael's feelings?" he added with a little amusement in his voice which made Don chuckle a bit. Before either one of the warring brothers had the chance to answer the question, Mike started gossiping:

"It all began when Raphie saw Leo drinkin' the last drop of this milk carton", he pointed at the reason that broke the argument in the first place with his sea green finger,

"And he yelled at Leo. Then Leo got mad and yelled back. Then they were like too busy with all the bickerin' to notice this full carton here I fetched from the fridge."

"And that's because they were drawing all the little unpleasant things they can remember about each other to the argument to turn a quarrel into a world war III, master", Don added sharply. Splinter shook his head before turning to Leonardo and Raphael.

"Isn't there ever a peaceful morning in our home?"

"I'm sorry _sensei_, but --"

"Yeah, blame it on me", Raphael snarled, though actually looking like he did mean it.

"I won't listen to any excuses, my sons. After breakfast you will both go to your chambers to have quiet meditation", Splinter told with the certain unpleasant strictness in his voice, which both brothers very well recognized,

"I will not tolerate this anymore. Your conflicts are affecting to our whole family."

Leonardo lowered his head to express his shame, and Raphael crossed his arms on his chest sighing deeply. Then the rat turned to his youngest son with much more tender look in his eyes, saying:

"Come on, Michelangelo. Our stories are about to begin."

"Sure thing, dad", Mike took his cereal bowl with him before following Splinter to their living room.

Donatello swallowed audible when he realized he was left alone with the two troublemakers. He swallowed even louder when Leonardo announced he'd skip the breakfast.

"I've lost my appetite", Leo murmured giving a sharp glance towards Raph before turning to leave.

"Yeah? Well maybe ya should take it with ya in case yer appetite returns", Raph yelled throwing Leo's cereals after him. The eldest turtle dodged the bowl and turned back to face Raphael, who was still furious.

"Leo...please?" Don pleaded quietly. Leo threw a look towards his peaceloving brother and with a sigh he gave in. Without a word he turned and headed to his room.

"An' what'cha starin' at?" Raph snapped at Don while crouching to clean the mess he had caused hoping Splinter wouldn't have a chance to see it.

"May I say, that with_ that_ attitude --"

"No Brainiac, ya may not", Raph growled throwing his own cereal bowl to the sink with Leo's before storming out of the kitchen.

"It's always so intellectual exchange of words with you, Raph", Don murmured to himself rolling his eyes. He also made a mental note to himself, that the next time someone would question him concerning his habit of spending so much time alone, he would remark that lately in their household loneliness appeared to be the only way to gain some peace and quietude.


	3. II Sandelwooden sanctuary

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD

II – SANDELWOODEN SANCTUARY

After Leo had gotten into his room and closed the door he had to stop to catch his breath. It was always literally a breathtaking experience when arguing with Raph – even if there wasn't any physical battle involved in. The emotional bother was enough of burden.

_What it actually is in Raph that gets under my shell that easily?_

Leonardo leaned his shell against the shut door closing his eyes.

_He's annoying. Arrogant. Rude. Aggressive. Thoughtless and impulsive... And thousand other things I just can't explain right now._

Of course Leo and Raph had always had arguments, just like all brothers through out the world, no matter were they humans or mutants. Leo had argued with everyone of his brothers. Mike for example was the true god of annoyance when he was in the right mood. Their most common arguments were about the different ways to view the world: as Leo relied on discipline and order, Mike had always prefered the _'go with the flow' _-lifestyle.

Although they were kind of like bickering about the same matter as Leo and Raph, Leo never saw his and Mike's quarrels as fights. They were just some little wrangles brothers usually did have.

On the other hand meaningless little quarrels were something that Leo never had to face with Don. On the contrary, when he and Don fought, it was a real world war III. But to get Don lash out at anyone usually required to hurt Donatello. He never put up a fight just to amuse himself, unlike his other two brothers seemed to be doing every now and then.

Suddenly Leo shivered. He could still remember a specific fight couple years ago, when he had told Don he was spending too much time in front of the computer.

"_It's not healthy, Don. Mutant turtles' anatomy weren't made for sitting in front of a screen",_Leo had remarked,

"_Sooner or later you'll loose your sense of sight."_

Leo hadn't really said anything Don could have disagreed with Leo. Don did spend a lot of time surrounded by his devices, and he wasn't like Mike, who was a natural born athletic, or like Raph, who was obsessed by keeping his body in shape. And he certainly wasn't like Leo, eager to control every one of his movements from the beginning till the very end. But nonetheless, Don was better than good. They all were.

Still Leo had made the mistake to go too far with his lecture:

"_We don't have the time to cover you on the field, Don. Get a grip of yourself."_

Donatello had always had a humble attitude towards his ninjatraining, and he certainly was dedicated to the matter. The simple bo-staff turned into a lethal weapon in his hands, and his strikes seldomly missed their target.

Don had lashed out at Leo, ranting about all the times he had saved the day by offering a technic solution for the problems they had been forced to face.

"_You see, Leo, it's not always the brawling that counts or saves our shells, you know. I don't even have the slightest idea how you guys would manage with out me", _Don had yelled at him, pointing then out an impressive list of cases when Leo had made nearly fatal mistakes on the field. Don's memory was startlingly punctual.

"_So, if my ninja skills aren't good enough because I'm studying to be a better 'tech ninja', I guess I should stay away from your way!"_

"_But Don --"_

Don had gone to his room and stayed behind the closed door the whole day. It had taken master Splinter to lure him out of there.

Their argument had made Leonardo to understand, that as a leader he should be able to recognize the specialities of his brothers. One turtle couldn't be the ultimate master of everything anyway.

_But what really bugs me, is that I can't understand Raph's point of view, no matter how hard I try._

He certainly missed the times when he and Raph had arguments over nothing. When their little quarrels were really about who drank the last of the milk carton.

_Still, I am the leader. I AM the leader. And most important of all, we are brothers._

Leonardo opened his eyes to glance at his room. It reminded the most Splinter's chamber with its ascetic and Japanese touch. He even slept on a futon like his master.

_Maybe Raph's right: perhaps I really am being self-important. _

His glance rested at his wooden bedside table, like he was trying to see through the wood to be sure that everything was in order in its drawer. Then he slowly walked to the table and opened the drawer, slightly shaking his head.

_No. That's just Raph gotten into your head, Leonardo._

He found his incensesticks and candles placed in it in tidy rows.

_And that's something you should watch out for, _little voice in his head continued.

Leo took one white candle and a sandelwood incence lighting them on his nightstand table. Then he paced to the middle of the room seating himself in the lotusposition. Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and emptied his mind.

_The way of ninjutsu isn't something you can choose to do every day from nine to five, and then go back home to do something else. Raph should understand that perfectly well._

Or at least he tried to empty his mind.

_But when did Raph become unreliable in my eyes? He's loyal to his causes what ever they are, he's honest and he has always been right there for me when I've needed him. When I'm injuried, he's the first to rush to help me. His caring towards our family is so intensive..._

A sudden rush of warm feelings washed over Leonardo, when he remembered what Raph had said to him once when he was badly injuried in a battle against The Shredder:

"_Ya little piece of shit! If ya dare ta die I'll beat the crap out of ya! Ya here me, Leo?! Leonardo! Answer, dammit!"_

As ironic as it was, it was Raph's desperately demanding voice that had brought Leo back to consciousness.

_We are on the same side, aren't we? Why shouldn't I take heed from his words? Why would he be wrong when accusing me to be a self-important excuse of a leader?_

Leonardo realized he wasn't doing any good with emptying his mind. He inhaled and exhaled deeply and closed his eyes again.

_Because he's just being the annoying, arrogant and aggressive hothead he is, that's why he's wrong. He's unable to see the bigger picture, unlike me. And that is one reason, why I'm the leader, not him._

The answer satisfied Leonardo, and he finally succeeded to clear his mind, and in minutes he fell into a peaceful meditation.


	4. III Meditating so to speak

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
The following chapter includes sexual references (Raph/female human OC).

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD

III MEDITATING (SO TO SPEAK)

Raph was giving punches to his boxing sack in his messy room. As much as Raph was concerned, it was meditation to him.

Though it wasn't silent.

"Raphael!" Master Splinter yelled accompanying the yell with a brisk tap on Raph's door with his walking stick.

"Yes, father", he gave up leaving the sack alone and seating himself on his bed, which was placed almost in the middle of his chamber. Raph hated sleeping next to walls, it made him feel kind of like ready to trap. After all, with or without ninja training, he was in his most vulnerable state when he slept.

Or when he had very intensive sex with someone.

Slightly grinning he laid himself on his shell beginning to think Maggie, the lady he had fucked last Saturday. Maggie was delicious. Okay, for a 17-year-old teenager, who was about to have his first sexual intercourse, about any woman would go under the definition of '_delicious_'.

The shitty part of the otherwise lucky evening was, that Raph had been waited for by someone at home.

"_What'cha doin' here, Leo?"_ Raph had asked slightly amused, still in euphoria due to the recent session,

"_Shouldn't ya be havin' yer beauty sleep, oh Fearless?"_

"_It's late, Raph"_, Leo had replied dryly, standing like a stone statue while glancing Raph with pure disgrace in his eyes.

"_Early, if ya ask from me"_, Raph had chuckled, bumping deliberately Leonardo's shoulder with his own while passing him.

"_We were worried about you"_, Leo had continued, following Raph.

"_Give it a rest, will ya?"_ Raph had snapped, climbing to upstairs. Leonardo had been surely consuming his good mood.

"_I'm not finished yet, Raphael"_, Leonardo had snapped back. Raph had stopped and turned to face his brother, who had stayed at the lower floor, staring sharp daggers at Raph.

"_Where have you been, Raph? I smell...I mean you reek of..."_

"_So what, Leo? It's none of yer business anyway."_

"_I smell a scent of...well, a scent of an unknown human, Raph."_

Raph had just rolled his eyes and continued his walk to his room. In a blink Leo had gotten to the upper floor behind Raph.

"_I didn't say I was finished!"_

"_I don't care, back off"_, Raph had yelled turning to Leonardo,

"_I have no idea what the fuck is yer problem, Leo!"_

Leonardo had laughed dryly, starting his lecture:

"_My problem is that you told us you'd go to Casey. When you didn't come home by midnight we called Casey, and he told you had left already two hours ago. Do you have any idea what I – we, including our two brothers and father, have gone through wondering where the hell are you? And then you crawl home smelling to some...", _Leonardo had made a grimace that showed disgust before continuing,

"_Some slut and you tell me to give it a rest?!?"_

"_Are ya done?"_ Raph had asked between his teeth.

Raphael knew that Leo was right. It was true that he could have informed the others he wouldn't be coming straight to home. But as far as Raph was concerned, Leonardo had no right to question him like that.

"Sometimes y_ou're being so selfish, you know that?"_ Leonardo had kept going on.

"_Why don'tcha just mind yer own business?" _Raph had snarled, though without the offensive voice tone he had been using a moment ago.

"_This family, including you, are 'my business', Raph"_, Leo had answered quietly. Raph had thought he saw worry in his big brother's eyes, but something in him refused to by it.

"_Ya gonna give me that 'I'm the big leader' -shit again? I ain't bowing ta ya stupid orders, Leo."_

"_Yeah, you aren't, although you should._"

The last line of Leo had been like a red cape to Raph, making him to snap and draw his _sais_ out. Leonardo had followed his brother's lead exposing his _katanas_in order to defend himself. He had blocked the first attacking attempts easily, snorting to his little brother:

"_This isn't going to solve anything, Raph. You're acting like an idiot. Though at this point I probably shouldn't be surprised by it._"

The remark had made Raphael even more furious, and somehow he had been able to gain enough strength to break Leo's block. It had made Leo to stagger a bit, which had given Raphael the opportunity to get close enough to threat Leo with his weapons.

Raphael had been doing it since Splinter had given them their weapons. Breaking through his brothers' defences to get his _sais_ so close to their throats they were holding their breaths. Raph never meant to hurt any of his brothers, it was a mere show off about his strength and ability to master his weapons or a note of dissent. Sometimes Raph just preferred his _sais_ doing the talking instead of vocal discussion.

But of course there had to be the first time when something went wrong. The blood that had started to drip from Leonardo's chin had made Raph to snap out of his burst of aggression. Leonardo had seemed as startled as his brother, keeping his eyes on Raph while touching his chin making sure it really bled, that it wasn't his imagination. Obviously it was normal they got wounded by each other during the exercises. But that time was different. They hadn't been practising.

Raph had lowered his weapons and stepped back.

"_What did I...Oh shit, Leonardo. I'm sorry...I really am."_

He had put his weapons in his belt while staring at the little wound in his brother's chin. Leonardo had just stood in front of him, with straight face that didn't show any emotions.

"_Just leave me alone, Leo"_, Raph had finally growled before heading to his chamber. That time Leo hadn't stopped him.

_Leo Leo Leo Leo...I was supposed to think the lovely Maggie, not Splinter junior here, _Raph thought trying to get a better position in his bed.


	5. IV Shrinkstuff

IV - SHRINK-STUFF

"Yo dude, ya look pale", Michelangelo greeted Donatello while bumping into the kitchen to bring back his breakfast bowl he had emptied.

"Sometimes their bickering just makes my head ache, you know", Don sighed rubbing his temples.

"Hey, look at the bright side: we don't have afternoon lessons today 'cause of Leo an' Raphie. Ya think they could argue more often?"

"Arguing_more often? _Seriously Mikey, I'm afraid of they are soon going to hit their limits. I mean, it's only a matter of time when Raph gets Leo mad enough and then..."

"They'll prolly end up like killin' each other", Mike helped his brother to end his sentence.

"Yeah."

"You really think so, my sons?" Master Splinter was standing right behind them.

"Whoa, ya shouldn't sneak in like that. I almost got a heart attack!" Mike muttered, holding his chest with his right hand.

"I'm just worried, that's all, master", Donatello shrugged, keeping his uneasy glance at the checkered table cloth.

"Can't ya just like order them to love each other or somethin'?" Mike scratched his head looking at Splinter. Splinter sighed, seating himself beside Donatello.

"No Michelangelo, I can't. They have to solve their arguments by themselves."

He turned to Donatello placing his hand on his.

"It's not that they don't love each other; it's because they care about each other so much."

Don snorted and Mike kept scratching his bald.

"It kind of like makes sense...if Raphie didn't care what Leo thinks then he didn't need to always fight with him! And if Leo --"

"But master", Don said tensely interrupting Mike's muttering,

"You see, Raph has this problem with authority. He just has to always disagree with Leo. He doesn't want to take orders from anyone", Don raised his eyes to meet Splinter's,

"Actually, I think he's sorry not to be our leader, master Splinter."

Splinter sighed. He could still remember the day when he had announced that Leonardo was going to be the leader of the foursome. Not because he was the eldest, but because he was the most mature. Not because he was the most reasonable of them, but because he was able to control his own emotions.

Raphael couldn't have believed his ears. He had always thought he was going to be the leader. All four young turtles had believed in that. Raphael was a person to step out and take the charge in his hands by nature. He was strong and brave, occasionally even too daring. But his brothers had admired his strength and spirit, especially little Leonardo. They still did.

_But then Leonardo had to learn to be the leader, _Splinter remembered knowing he had done the right decision when choosing Leonardo as the leader.

Splinter took a good look at Donatello. Don noticed it, and stared back at his father with an inquiring look on his face.

"You do ponder a lot of relationships of you four", Splinter finally told. Don slightly nodded.

"Of course, master. It's not like I'm only thinking programming or mechanics."

"Yeah, Donny reads that philo...no...eh...what it's called...well that shrink-stuff, ya know?"

"It's called psychology, not '_shrink-stuff'_, Mikey."

Splinter smiled slightly, nodding:

"I am aware of that, my son. Maybe that way you will find means to get along with the difficult situation of your two brothers."

"I sure hope so, master."

Splinter gave the last, encouraging smile to Donatello.

"The commercial break seems to be over", he muttered returning to the living room. Mike told his father he was coming right behind him. Then he turned back to Don:

"Are ya okay, Donny-boy?"

"No I'm not. I don't know how long I can stand this. Sometimes it feels like I can't interact with Raph at all. And have you noticed how Leo always gets more and more furious at Raph? That's not like he's supposed to react to someone like Raph...it just encourages Raph to provoke further..."

"Whoa, hold on. I think ya do read too much of that...psychic...well whatever it was. They're just actin' like two teenage jerks, that's all, bro."

Finally Mike had succeeded to force a modest laugh out of his brother.

"You'd make a good _'shrink'_, Mikey", Don chuckled.


	6. V VI Hot Trigger

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
The following chapter includes sexual references (Raph/female human OC).

How ever I can't post the whole chapters here for it would be MA.

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FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD

V-VI – HOT TRIGGER

Raph had met Maggie via Internet community centered on BDSM-sex.

Soon after Mike and Don had shown Raph how to browse the Internet, he had discovered what the Internet was best at: porn. But eventually he had grown tired of watching humans doing 'it', searching for pictures of women instead of actual porn. Somehow Raph had bumped into S/M-sex, and he was thrilled by it. It wasn't boring at all.

After lurking months at a chatroom, Raph had the courage to join the conversation. Soon he was chatting with Maggie, and after few online-sex sessions she had suggested a date, which Raph had agreed with few conditions.

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AN: If interested in reading the whole chapters check out my profile for other places my stories can be found. 


	7. VII Symptoms of puberty

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
The following chapter includes slight sexual references (Raph/female human OC).

* * *

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD 

VII – SYMPTOMS OF PUBERTY AND OTHER THEORIES

Leonardo watched Donatello being busy at his lab area in the corner of their living room. His table was covered with a huge pile of wires and other little stuff Leo wasn't sure he recognized. With incredibly steady hands Don put pieces together, apparently improving shell cells. Don's patience and exactness kept amazing Leonardo.

_I only wish he'd perform katas with such accuracy_Leonardo thought amused.

"Spying on me nowadays?" Don joked right after noticing his brother's presence.

"I don't think you do need spying, bro", Leo laughed approaching him,

"Not unless you're building an atomic bomb there."

Don looked at his elder brother with an icy glance. There were issues that just didn't make Don laugh. Nuclear bomb was one of them.

"So", Leo cleared his throat after realizing the joke didn't amuse Donatello,

"I came to apologize."

Don blinked at him.

"Why on Earth?"

"Because of the morning, you know. And because we were kind of like grounded we didn't have Splinter's afternoon lessons."

Don chuckled, and Leo was having hard time to decide was it a sarcastic '_ha-ha_' or had he really said something funny to his brother.

"Like that was the part that bothered me or Mikey. I think the morning exercises were lesson enough for today."

_Oh, that, _Leo thought relieved. After all as far as Leo was concerned there was nothing funny about his fight with Raph.

"I don't doubt that", Leo admitted slightly grinning. Don nodded to him smiling, and for a second there was an understanding between them. But then Don's tone changed:

"Hey Leo...it's not you who should be apologizing. And you should know that too."

Leonardo eyed his little brother shaking his head.

"No Don, I know I went too far with Raph", he insisted. After a small pause Leo continued, sounding like he talked more to himself than Don:

"Can you actually believe, that for a while I considered he was right?"

Now Don looked confused.

"Right about what? You drinking the last of milk? Well, I can assure you there's one almost full carton in the fridge..."

"Eh, not that part. Something else."

Leonardo suddenly turned his face away from Donatello, who instantly got worried.

"Is there...it seems that there's something I'm not aware of..?"

"I..." Leo started quietly, then clearing his throat again and continuing:

"I don't think it's a big deal but I'm just wondering..."

"Yes?"

"The night when Raph was missing. I...Hothead and I had an argument after he came home."

_I would be worried if there hadn't been a fight, _Don thought sarcastically, fighting against the urge to roll his eyes. Instead of it he just nodded, still investigating his brother with both curious and worried look on his face.

"I was just trying to express our worry to him, but you know him, his not listening to me."

"What else is new", Donatello snorted, deciding to give a new view to the matter instead of plain witty comments,

"Raph acting like an idiot may be a due to his puberty hormone systems", he continued, pressing his fingertips together like he always did when he was about to have a chance to keep a lesson about something he was familiar with,

"I did some research concerning hormones a while ago, and it seems that increasing levels of testosterone might --"

Leo was most honored, that his little brother, who clearly liked to keep his own space, and who seemingly required a lot of time to be all by himself, had always welcomed Leo's company. It wasn't something Michelangelo or Raphael could say about their intellectual brother. Usually Leo drained every drop of information Donatello was sharing with him, after all they were both widely interested in different kinds of phenomenons of the world. But at the moment Leonardo was a bit too impatient to listen to the lecture all the way.

"Raph had been with someone. Woman. I mean they had...apparently...you know, that certain intercourse. You know what I mean, don't you?" Leo burst out, thinking for the first time that the good sense of smell of the turtles should be considered as a curse instead of a blessing. Donatello blinked at the information before laughing dryly:

"Oh, that. Well, certainly symptoms of puberty, normal in --"

"Let's stay focused here, Don: we're mutants. Giant turtles."

Donatello sighed deeply.

"I know what you're meaning. That there's someone new who knows about us."

Leonardo nodded a little, then looking a bit ashamed.

"I'm sorry Don. Didn't want to worry you, but I guess I'm pretty helpless without your brain work here."

Donatello smiled a little at the compliment before continuing:

"I think your worry is justified. The last thing I want is that our _'Ninja drop-out'_ here does something stupid because of his heat."

"That's my point exactly."

"So do you have any idea who the 'lucky' one is?"

Leo shook his head.

"I have no idea is this person someone that can be trusted. I just wish Raph would stop acting like a horny bull."

Don looked thoughtful, and after few quite moments he asked cautiously:

"What if Raph's...like in love or something?"

Leo's eyes narrowed.

"What do you mean _'in love'_?"

Don knew his brother understood very well what he meant. But still he gave an explanation:

"If Raph's romantically involved with the person in question, do you think it's ethically justified to ask him to give up his relationship? I'm sure that you're aware of that it's not like everyday turtles like us have a chance to meet someone...special in that romantic way."

Leonardo swallowed, lowering his glance. Don seemed to be painfully right.

"But on the other hand there's safety of our family in question", Leonardo said firmly, then gently touching the little cut in his chin.

_Although togetherness is a feature to be valued too._

"So it was Raph who gave you that, huh?" Donatello asked. Mike had noticed the cut in Leo's chin during the morning practicing, but Leonardo had refused to reveal where it was from. Leo nodded, Don sighed.

"Yeah, but kind of like my mistake. I should've disarmed him", Leonardo answered dryly, his eyes wandering hazily at the balcony where the fight had taken place.

"Things are just getting worse and worse between you two."

"Hey, it's nothing. Don't you dare to worry about this, Donny", Leonardo tried to convince. Then he seated himself next to Donatello, trying to change the subject,

"So, what are you working on?"


	8. VIII Love's a tragedy

AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
The following chapter includes sexual references

* * *

FOLLOW THE LEADER I - IT'S NO GOOD 

VIII – LOVE'S A TRAGEDY

Raph had nearly passed out due to the orgasm. It had been even better than the first one. It had taken quite some time before he realized how late it was.

He had collected his items, and after dressing up he untied the mouth gag for her.

"_Hey babe, ye're all right?" _he had asked softly, stroking her messed up hair.

"_It was wonderful"_ , she had gasped, adding then that it would be great to meet again.

"_Sure as hell"_ , Raph had agreed, then unlocking her coughs.

"_Just gimme time ta get outta here before removin' that blindfold. As we spoke, ye're not supposed ta see me."_

She had nodded.

"_Thanks, Raph. I'll catch up with ya later in the chat."_

* * *

_So I'm a ninja and she didn't see me. Leo shouldn't be naggin' at me, _Raph thought,

_I have no clue why he thinks I'm stupid enough ta be seen. Prolly 'cause Leo needs ta have wedding vows or somethin' before sharin' a single kiss. _

Raph grimaced to his thought.

For Raph love was something unreal. Love towards his family, including _'Splinter junior'_, was as real as it could get. He could say he loved April, just like a sister and Casey...well yes, somehow he loved Casey too, although to Raph's ear it sounded so stupid he would never admit it to _'the bonehead'_.

But a romantic relationship with a human...Raph didn't know what the relationships were good for. Casey was with April, and from Raph's point of view the relationship was a major pain in Casey's ass with all its limitations and rules they had made for each other. But Casey and April would probably marry each other and have children and the whole stupid American dream Raph himself was unable to achieve. He couldn't start a family, he was unable to have children unless he'd meet a female mutant turtle, which was highly unreal.

_I don't need any stupid romantic love life anyway, _he thought. He could have sex without being romantically involved with. He could settle in with sex. Sex was awesome enough. It was physical, it kept his mind busy...when he came to think of it, it was relaxing in a million more ways than meditation or sack punching ever.

_It would do so good ta our Fearless Leader too...he's prolly too pure ta jack himself off, no wonder he's so tight up._

Not that Raph truly couldn't really figure out how any creature, male or female, could live without easing him- or herself every now and then if not having sex. Even master Splinter and Leo, although he tried not to think about them doing it.

_Fer fuck's sake. When did things ever become so tensed between me and Fearless? I dunno. It's just like he's so full of his leadership he has forgot that we are his brothers with different needs and personalities. We are not his little soldiers. _

Raph stood up from his bed, starting to nervously pace around his room. Raphael and Michelangelo shared at least one major similarity; the need to keep the body in constant motion, the need to keep the hands busy. But Raphael wasn't eager to do that because of ADHD, or whatever the fine scientific abbreviation that Don kept referring on Mike was, but because he couldn't stand when his mind started to wander around.

_Mikey can have his comics and stuff. Sometimes Leo even lets the knucklehead ta get easy with the sparrings. Brainiac has plenty of time ta do his geek things, but me...I'm the one who should give up my lifestyle. I'm sick of all the lectures about 'Stayin' out with Casey too late' or 'Stop picking up fights' and now this... Just doesn't get inta my head. I haven't ever failed or ignored my duties. _

He stopped in front of his punching sack. It wasn't that Raphael didn't think, as his brothers kept saying, it was because he thought too much his mind was able to handle. It caused an overload, which made him act out of instinct. Or worst: out of feelings.

_Well...fer a long time, at least._

Too bad that recently the most overwhelming feeling for Raph had been frustration, which had led to anger.

"Quiet meditation in my ass", Raph muttered, though giving up the idea of continuing the punching.

_If I'm not good enough fer Splinter junior, I can't help it. Leo can stick his concept of danger where ever he wants ta. I've had enough of this shit. He has no right ta ask more from me than our bros._

Raph took a look at his alarm clock on his nightstand. Their 'arrest' had ended almost half hour ago.

_I think I'm done with the 'meditation' here._


	9. IX Locked away

IX - LOCKED AWAY

"Don, I have to admit it again: you're genius!" Leonardo tapped his younger brother to his shell.

"Thanks, Leo. I thought you might appreciate this. I mean this tracking system in our shell cells surely raises our security level on new heights!" Donatello grinned.

"Just make sure there ain't no trackin' shit in my shell cell."

Donatello and Leonardo lifted their gazes from the prototype to meet Raph's eyes.

"What do you want, Raph?" Leo demanded eying Raphael with suspicion.

"Ain't talkin' ta ya, Leo, but our 'boy genious' here", Raph growled doing his best to ignore the eldest turtle,

"Hey Donny, I was wonderin' can I use yer computer now that ye're bein' busy in here?"

The turtles' household had only two computers connected to the Internet: the other one was in Don's chamber, and the other one in Don's lab area. No one was to touch Don's lab computer, except maybe for April, and Don's other computer was allowed to be used when it suited for Don. Raph, Leo and Mike had to share the time between each other.

"Raphie forgot to say _'please'_..."

"Mind yer own business, Leo, and stop callin' me that!"

"Of course you can use it, but only if you're able to remove Mikey. He's been glued to the screen since the soaps ended."

Raph smacked his own forehead, mumbling:

"Oh Donny, I've told ya not ta download any new games fer the knucklehead!"

"I haven't. Mike has learned to download them all by himself."

"Mikey can download games from the net? Geez, he's turning out to be a better computer wizard than I am!" Leo gasped in amazement.

"Which, by the way, isn't a hard task. I mean a three-year-old child could probably reboot a computer unlike you two here."

"Hey Brainiac, I never wanted ta be a geek anyway. I'm happy just ta read news and...eh, stuff. Well, I go knock the shell fer brains outta there", Raph turned to leave.

"And there goes the working peace", Don sighed, watching Raph's shell to diverge to the upstairs where their rooms were placed.

"Well, maybe I could beat you in a chess match then?" Leo challenged, smirking. Chess certainly were their both favorite game. For Leonardo it was all about strategy, and Donatello took the chess as an exercise on developing his logical thinking.

"You're the one who's gonna be beaten, bro", Don threatened smiling, obviously liking Leo's suggestion.

"But Leo", Don wiped the smile from his face for a moment,

"Seriously, I think you really should have a talk with Raph."

"Talking? With Raph?" Leo snorted,

"The only language he seems to understand, is the one my _katanas_ speak."

"Leo you can't be serious!"

"No Don, it's different with you two", Leonardo insisted,

"You have always had something in common. You tinker together in the garage talking...you know I never talk with Raph. We just fight."

"Talking with Raph ain't easy", Don admitted,

"But on the other hand, I don't expect anything from him. We're just hanging around for the sake of hanging around. I mean Raph and Mikey can get along although they don't share hobbies."

"So it's just me your favorite brother keeps avoiding?" Leo snapped in a way he didn't mean to. Don stared at him in confusion.

"You're so starting to sound like Raph! I'm sure two you'd had a lot in common if you just sometimes sat down together just to be together. It's not like you have always fought."

Leo sighed.

"Yeah, I guess you're right, as always. But it's just that he's so locked up in his own world. He'd probably revealed it to anyone but me."

Don smiled at him warm-heartily.

"And he prolly sees you the same way; locked away behind the leadership of yours."

Leo gave a thought to it while Don continued encouraging him:

"Besides, since when have _you _of all the turtles refused to do something 'cause it's difficult?"

"You're right", Leo admitted feeling his self-confidence increase due to Don's kind words,

"But that's after one round of good ol' chess."

"Can I play too? Or be yer cheerleader? Angry and terribly violent Raphie just kicked me outta yer room, Donny."

Mike joined the two other brothers.

"I know, I told him to do that. You shouldn't play all day, you know. It's not good for your health."

Don's lecture secretly amused Leo, for it reminded him the lessons he used to give Don. But the leader kept his face straight. He was backing Don fully on this one.

"Maybe. But I still locked him into yer room. I wanna see who's brave enough to let him out after he's been there for a while", Mike chuckled.

"Mikey!" Leo and Don exclaimed at the same time.

Don's room was the only one which had a lock on its door. Don had installed it couple years ago, when Mike and Raph were constantly going in his chamber when he was gone, messing all his notes and exams on purpose. After a while Splinter had denied him from locking the door, because some of the first aid supplements were located in Don's room. Luckily his annoying brothers had grown up to respect others property and work.

Mike swung the little key between his two fingers, laughing like a maniac. Leo tried to grab the key with a fluent move but Mike was quicker. Leo actually liked the idea of keeping Raph behind a lock, but he doubted that eventually Don would have a trashed room.

"I'll give ya this after you have played chess with me."

Leo rolled his eyes.

"Okay Mikey. I'll play with you. Don will be our cheerleader."


	10. X Chatting

Warning: Sexual (bdsm) themes

* * *

X - CHATTING

Magda07: _It was a fucking great session! Many thanks! _

RtheMaster: _hey belle, ya were pretty hot yerself._

Magda07: _I've masturbated like three times or so thinking about our meeting!_

Raphael read the screen grinning to himself.

RtheMaster: _i actually had my own fun too today thinking abt us._

Magda07: _You know, I've been thinking of something. ;)_

Magda07: Y_ou recall when you said you're interested in suspension bondage?_

RtheMaster: _still do, babe._

Magda07: _I'm planning to put hooks on the ceiling of my S/M studio._

Magda07:_ Would you care to introduce me to the fine art of suspension?_

* * *

Raph swallowed. He was certainly interested in putting a bound, sexy 'slave' to hang. Tying and making defenseless was erotic, of course when he knew the other part also enjoyed the treatment. But the truth was that he hadn't ever suspended anyone.

Actually he had told Maggie he was more experienced than he really was. It was easier that way, or so Raph seemed to think. Raph had seen many people in chat getting flat out ignored just because they were inexperienced. On the other hand Raph knew people in the chat who were talking about things they didn't know. It was pathetic.

But what came to pain, blades, ropes and chains Raph really knew something. He was a ninja, and he had been in real situations, though they weren't erotic. There certainly wasn't anything hot being tied up by a bunch of foot ninjas while dreading for his and his brothers' lives.

He knew how to cause pain, he knew risks and how to avoid unwanted impacts. But suspension bondage was different. He hadn't ever done it to anybody. He knew there were lots of things that could go wrong. It was dangerous.

* * *

RtheMaster: _Yeah, sure_.

Luckily Maggie changed the subject soon.

Magda07: _So, gonna hit the ball next week?_

RtheMaster: _?_

Magda07: _The Kinkyfest, duh._

RtheMaster: _wtf?_

RtheMaster: _no way. why should i?_

Magda07: _Please...come with me. _

Magda07: _Don't wanna go alone..._

RtheMaster: _belle, ya aren't supposed ta see me!_

RtheMaster:_ ever._

Magda07: _Well yeah, but you could were a mask or something. _

Magda07: _Metal fetish theme. ;)_

* * *

Raph leaned back in the chair he was sitting on giving a thought to Maggie's proposal. It wasn't a bad idea after all. For a mutant turtle there were seldom if ever chances to pop up topside without being marked as a freak. A kinky party with dress code that allowed a disguise was just the thing Raph needed.

* * *

RtheMaster: _have ta admit...metal's a good theme fer a party._

Raph's mind was already plotting few outfit suggestions.

Magda07: _I know you'd love the party! 3 _

Magda07: _Btw, check this link out. _

Magda07: _Cool pic._

Two pictures loaded on the screen. It was some kind of fetish website, where two models were posing in fetish outfits. The other one was 'dressed' in a harness made out of aluminum plates, and she was posing with a _wakizashi_, obviously hinting she was going to shove the handle of the sword in her. The other one stood in black high heel shoes wearing a dress made out of thin chain, whipping the other girl with a nine-tailed whip.

Magda07: _I can't decide whether gonna wear chains or those plate things._

RtheMaster: _Chains, definitely. _

RtheMaster: _Aluminum is just so lame, babe. _

Raph was so into the discussion he didn't notice the door to be unlocked and opened.

* * *


	11. XI Brotherly bonding thingy

XI - BROTHERLY BONDING -THINGY

"Doesn't look like news to me."

Leonardo noticed Raphael's somewhat jumpy reaction at his greeting. Raph quickly switched the computer's screen off before answering to his brother:

"Ya should really learn ta knock", he growled, turning Don's office chair to see Leo leaning on the doorway.

"Why? You never knock", Leo asked grinning, stalking towards Raph,

"Are you hiding something?"

"Not any of yer business, Leo. What'cha want anyway?"

"Nothing. Just came to watch what you're up to. Shouldn't be illegal, shouldn't it?" Leo answered commonplacely, now standing next to Raph. Raph's eyes narrowed at his brother. He was obviously taking his brother's surprising visit as a surveillance call.

"Leo, just get lost, will ya? I'm tired of ya meddlin' with me. Not in the mood fer pick up a fight."

"You're not? Are you sick or something? Should I call for Splinter?"

"Ha ha, Fearless made a funny. Now beat it."

Leo sighed deeply.

_I can't believe Don actually talked me over to do this_, he thought grimacing inwardly,

_Talking with Raph is as constructive as talking with a brick wall when he chooses it the way._

"Why is it so hard to believe that I do enjoy your company?" He decided to give it a try anyway,

"At least sometimes, in small doses _if _you're behaving nicely", he added with a little humour in his tone. Raph clenched and unclenched his fists like he was trying to decide whether the last line was a suitable excuse for hitting his big brother or not. Of course it wasn't.

"Sorry, but I don't do_ 'nice', _bro. I just wish ta be alone right now. So if ya can excuse me and we can leave this brotherly bonding -thingy of yers ta some other time when I don't have some more important things ta do."

"What ever, Raph", Leo shook his head turning to leave. But before he had taken a single step towards the door he had second thoughts:

_One last try. It's important to Donny. And for all of us._

"Still somethin' ya wanna get out of yer chest?" Raph growled impatiently, staring at the black screen. Leo looked suddenly very serious, which usually meant to Raph that he was about to hear either a lecture or bad news. He wasn't on a mood for either.

"Raph. I don't want to keep fighting with you."

Raph blinked at his brother. Leo blinked at his brother's reaction.

_Okay, this is somethin' new. Raph seems to be completely out of reaction patterns. _

"Uh...what's that supposed ta mean?"

"We have to stop fighting. You heard master Splinter this morning."

Raph's confusion changed into boredom and annoyance.

"Yeah yeah, Leo, as well as every other mornin'. So what? What are ya gonna do? Stop bein' an idiot? Maybe, just maybe then --"

"Raph, I'm serious", Leo's voice got a new, impatient tone,

"I have all the right to be worried about the safety of this family, Raphael. It's my burden as a leader, and sometimes I wish I had you on my side to share some of that burden. That you would understand where I stand."

Raph snarled in frustration standing up and starting to wander around Don's room.

"It's always yer leader duty -shit ya keep referrin' on! I'm so fed up with it!"

"I think you're ignoring the most essential point of my speech now, Raph", Leonardo remarked crossing his arms on his chest, giving Raph an _I'm-expecting-a-little-more-even-from-you_ -look. Raph snorted.

"Yeah, I know ya need help ta actually lead the team of yers. Not much of a _'fearless leader'_, are ya?"

"All I'm asking is a bit of cooperation from team members. Why don't you offer your hand for me instead of giving me some extra hard time, I'm sure that way --"

"Here's a helpful advice fer ya: get off from my shell!"

"That's not what I meant, Raph!"

"I'm so sick of ya bein' the leader, Leo."

"So that's the problem? You hate me being the leader?" Leo challenged,

"You can't be seriously anymore wanting to be the leader?"

Raph gave a little smug laugh.

"I don't wanna be the leader", Raph lied,

"But I could be the leader. I happen ta think we don't need no stinkin' leader", Raph stalked to Leo continuing:

"Besides I hate ya bein' the leader, I hate that ya suck at being the leader so much that it drives me fuckin' crazy!"

Leo was startled by Raph's argument.

"W-What?"

Raph had called him by many, unadmirable names since he was chosen as the leader. Raph often used sentences including _'shitty excuse of leader'_ or _'self-important bastard'_ which were both referring to Leo. It was trash-talk. It was just Raph.

But now Raph had made a statement which actually held few important points.

"You actually suffer because you think I'm...incompetent?"

Raph grinned.

"Yeah. That's right. Ya finally got it? Congrats, bro!"

Leonardo opened his mouth to give an answer, but Raph continued leaning close to Leo:

"D'ya understand now where _I_ stand?"

Leo stared back at Raphael's dark eyes, holding his breath and assuring himself, that his brother's arrogance was seldom a good reason to lost control of his own emotions. But Raphael seemed to think Leonardo's silence as a mark of his victory.

"That's what I thought so", Raph said smugly, pulling away from Leo's personal area. Leo thought Raph's words few moments, for were they true or just Raph being especially angry and rude today, they certainly made Leonardo thoughtful.

"So tell me then, why aren't Mike and Don suffering?" He asked then, looking at Raph who was now glancing him from the otherside of Don's room.

"Ya give 'em privileges I can't have. That's why", he answered. Leo let out a relieved sigh. After all this was still about Raph wanting to do what ever he pleases.

"Yeah? What privileges? To me it seems it's only you in the need of privileges", Leo answered dryly,

"A pretty dangerous privileges, I should add."

"Ya just can't stand that I've chosen a different path than ya, Leo", Raph was gesturing with his hands melodramatically as he usually did when he was angry enough. It was the sign for Leo, that his little brother had lost his temper.

_It appears that Raph isn't so sure after all that his journeys are justified. Otherwise he wouldn't have lost his temper_, Leo reasoned. He was starting to see new hope in their conversation.

"Your path is dangerous for us all, Hothead",

"Shut that shit up, Splinter junior. It ain't. Ya just can't figure that out by meditatin', can't ya?"

"Look. I'm suggesting a compromise here. Be a little more open about the things you do when you go topside, and maybe then --"

"Get the hell outta here before I have ta hit ya!"

Leo snorted.

"Yeah, that's right. Scare everyone away with your mighty fists and _sais_! Really smart way to deal with problems. What a great leader you would be, Raph."

"Great leaders are respected! And they make good decisions!" Raph yelled back,

"Unlike ya, Leo. It's ya here who's the problem."

Leo shut his mouth trying to hide that this time Raph had really hurt his feelings. Without a word he left Don's room.


	12. XII An illustrated scene

XII - AN ILLUSTRATED SCENE

The sudden noise suggesting the door to Donatello's room was opened caught Leonardo's attention. Reaching out at the kitchen table he was able to see Raphael exit the chamber heading towards the bathroom.

"Now is our chance, Donny", he turned to Don, who was staring at his coffee cup looking uneasy.

"I don't like this, Leo..." he started, letting his voice die out.

"Trust me Donny, he's hiding something."

"But Leo, it's ethically --"

"Think about our family. He chose not to be cooperative. If it's something dangerous, we have to be aware of it."

Leonardo had a point. But still Don felt like he was left to a nasty situation being a middleman between his brothers' stupid quarrel. Don sighed deeply and rose from the seat, heading to his chamber. Leo followed him quickly.

"So, you want to know which web-pages he has been visiting recently, right?"

Leo nodded hastily while Don started to click with the mouse.

"Okay. But I'm not breaking into any e-mail inboxes or anything, you know that."

"Of course, Donny. I don't like this either. But we have to --"

"Yeah yeah. I just hope Raph has been smart enough to delete his history and cache as I've instructed."

Leo sneered.

"Even I don't do that."

"Hmm, neither does Raphie. Some ninjas you guys are", Don snorted.

Don did some more of his 'magic' with the computer, and a web page consisting images of half naked women loaded in front of their eyes, posing in suggestive positions wearing accessories, that left no room for guessing what kind of a web page it was.

Leonardo crouched nearer the screen, studying the figures.

"Is that a whip? And look, what that other one is doing with that _wakizashi_? Chains...blades...Uh, this is gross."

Donatello tried to look politely the other way. The situation was rather awkward.

"I can't believe that my own brother..." Leo murmured, probably more to himself than Donny,

"Raph really has problems..."

"Actually, Leonardo, it's a fetish. I don't think you should be --"

"Oh no, don't tell me you have the nerve to side with him! I mean, look at this! What kind of a psycho gets his kicks via these...these _'whores of death'_!!"

"Leo, you're not getting the point -- ", Don tried to calm his big brother, but only to notice it was pointless.

"We're honoring the code of _bushido_, for goodness' sake! This is unbelievable!" Leo kept ranting.

"It's not about hurting, it's about pleasing people who actually enjoy being hurt. It's not the same thing as being beaten up."

Leo looked at Don lifting his eyebrow.

"Why are you saying that? You have something to do with this _perversion_?"

Don swallowed at his brother's inquiry.

"With a fetish? Well, I guess that we all have our fetishes. With hurting people for sexual pleasure? Not my cup of tea, bro. Honestly."

"Good. That's what I thought so", Leo sounded relieved, getting absorbed in the view on the screen again,

"Only Raph --"

Donatello interrupted him sounding frustrated to Leo's stubborn attitude:

"Now listen to me Leo. The matter is something I ran across while studying...uh, some stuff. Anyway, it's merely a culture related thing which is considered as somehow unhealthy way to express sexuality. I mean that you probably won't judge masturbation or homosexuality for example, although they have been considered as perversions."

Leo gave a weird look at Don.

"Are you trying to hint that Raph's gay?"

Don shrugged.

"No Leo, now we are getting sidetracked", he sighed, but the pragmatic in him insisted on carrying the discussion on:

"There always is that possibility, that not all of us are heterosexuals. Though the pictures indicate Raph's interested in females. Human females, to be exact."

Leonardo glanced at him looking even more confused. Don snorted in frustration.

"What I'm trying to say is, that this is totally Raph's own business, and that we don't have any right to judge him by the nature of his sexuality. I mean, we know that he wouldn't practise 'these things' if it was somehow against _bushido_."

Leo sighed, refusing to look at Don's eyes.

"We all _know _that", Don repeated, laying an inquiring glance at his big brother, waiting for him to acknowledge the fact too.

"Who-hoa! What are those babes? Looks...dunno. Painful."

The elder turtles startled turning their heads towards their baby brother, who was glancing at them from the doorway.

"Great. Mikey seeing what we're up to is the last thing we need", Don shook his head, while Leo remained silent, thinking through what he had just learnt.


	13. XIII Fail and fold I

XIII - FAIL AND FOLD I

"What'cha watchin', bro?" Mike leaped to the sofa next to Raph.

"Where's yer eyes? It's wrestling, Mikey, as ya should see."

The little brother didn't seem to be bothered by Raph's annoyed tone, keeping up the light conversation:

"Uuuh...lots of violence and occasionally even blood", Mike said, obviously trying to hint something.

"What's yer problem, shell fer brains? Ye've seen wrestling before."

"Yeah, ya watch wrestling very often. Makes me think..."

"Be careful not ta hurt yer pea-sized brain", Raph growled reaching for the remote control to add some volume.

"Ya think ye're getting some sexual pleasure watchin' men and women beat the crap outta each other?"

The remote control was dropped from Raph's hand while he tried to understand his brother's sentence.

"W-what exactly are ya meanin', Mikey?" Raph bored his eyes into Mike's. Michelangelo took his best _I'm-so-innocent_ -face, blinking his big blue eyes at Raph.

"Nothin'. I mean that there are people who have different kinds of kinks, ya know. I just thought --"

"Thinkin' doesn't suit fer ya, Mikey", Raph snarled looking like he was attacking Mike sooner or later.

"To be honest, I really can't take the credit for thinkin'", Mike said cheerfully,

"'Cause Donny an' Leo --"

Mike wasn't even able to finish his sentence when Raph jumped from the couch and ran to Don's chamber, banging the door wide open.

Donatello was sitting at his computer, looking annoyed because he had been rudely interrupted, and looking reserved because the interrupter was Raph.

"Ya fuckin' piece of shit", Raph greeted his brother.

"I see. Apparently Mikey has told you something that has upset you. But if I could --"

Raph stepped in to the room looking angry as hell.

"Ya fuckin' piece of shit have been snoopin' aroun' my business, haven't ya?"

Don massaged his temples, thinking what were the odds surviving the situation without being forced to face violence from his hot tempered brother.

"Well, I have to confess I assisted Leo --"

"Ya have no right", Raph raged taking a step closer to his brother,

"Ya hear me? No. Right."

Don turned his face away from Raph. Don was absolutely on Raph's side with this one. But he didn't want to betray Leonardo either.

_Damn Mikey and his cursed gossiping lips!_

"Raph...I instructed you clearly how to empty the temporary Internet --"

"I'm ain't listenin' ta that shit, Brainiac, there's no way ya can talk smart yer way out of this", Raph growled taking his _sai _out.

"Hey! I'm not fighting with you. Go find Leo if you want to rant. I'm going to stay out from your battles."

"Don's right, Raphael. And besides I have few matters to be discussed with you."

Raph turned around to see Leo standing in the doorway, looking gloomy and serious.

"I don't wanna hear ya talkin', bro", Raph snarled, attacking him. Leo got his _katana _out just in time, and the sound of metals clashing filled Don's room.

"Guys! Not in here!" Don tried, but in vain.

"I don't have a clue where that scornful additude of yours comes from, Raph. I'm worried about this clan. Our family, _your _family", Leo started while their weapons engaged again, but Leo was able to toss Raph on the other side of the room.

"We are family and we are on the same side. But that doesn't mean I was happy to learn about your...interests..."

"They weren't yers ta be found in first place, Leo!" Raph growled, trying out a new attack on his big brother.

"I did what I had to do! If you only would be more open --"

"And if ya only would understand that not everythin' I do concerns ya!"

"Raphael! We obey the way of _ninjutsu_. A thought of you running there through the Internet writing...that stuff to people..."

"Leo stop it!" Raph cried out while Leo blocked his attack again.

"...about hurting and chaining and..."

"I'm warnin' ya!"

"...makes me think are you out of your mind? I mean you know what it is --"

"This it is, Leo! I've had enough!"

Raph rushed on Leo once more, making him fall down to the ground. In a blink Raph was on top of his chest, pinning his shoulders tightly against the floor.

"A sadist, Raphael? Is that what you are?" Leo was able to spat to Raph while fighting the bigger sized turtle off from his chest.

"No!"

"Hey, guys...please", Don tried to interrupt them.

"Beating me here, would it excite you, huh?"

"I ain't listening!"

"All those night runs you and Casey used to do..."

Raph raised his fist in order to knock Leo out, but Donatello grabbed his fist in time.

"I've had enough of you two! Go to the _dojo_, but you're not trashing my room!"


	14. XIV Fail and fold II

XIV - FAIL AND FOLD II

"It's not like ya think about the matter, Leo", Raphael told with a voice tone that was little calmed down. They were heading to the _dojo _after Don had kicked them out of his room.

"Well what is it then?" Leo demanded impatiently.

"I told ya already I don't wanna discuss about it with ya", Raph snapped, closing the door behind them.

"Why do you think I'm saying these things to you just to make you feel uncomfortable? Trust me, I'm on your side", Leonardo tried to keep his voice just firm, avoiding his usual _'lecturing-tone'_ that he knew made Raph see red.

"Whoa, wait a minute! Ain't that just a lil' bit hypocrite, Fearless Leader? I could say ya the same thing", Raph answered, beginning to loose his temper again,

"It's ya here with the trust-issues."

Leonardo stood quietly for a while, before answering silently:

"You don't trust me either, Raph."

"Well then", Raph spread his arms beginning to pace around the _dojo_,

"We're even then, huh?"

"No Raph, that's not what I meant", Leo shook his head, letting the frustration to be heard in his voice tone.

"What _I_ mean is, that ya should get off from my back. I ain't continuin' this anymore with ya", Raph told shortly before turning to leave.

"You're not going anywhere before we have solved this", Leonardo whispered, loud enough to be heard. Raphael stopped turning slowly around to see Leonardo standing his hands on his swords' grips, ready to expose the weapons again.

"Oh, I see ya didn't have enough of a fight before?"

"No Raph, I'm pretty fed up with fighting you all the time, but I must get you to talk with me."

"'Talk' it shall be then, bro", the younger brother smirked drawing his _sai_ out. Leonardo kept standing still, though slowly exposing his_ katana _one at the time, thinking of was there a way to avoid the second encounter. He was starting to see a million ways he could've dealt with the situation earlier. He was just wondering was it too late to change to direction of their discussion.

"Not so Fearless after all, aren't ya? A sorry failure, if ya ask from me", Raph mocked, slightly surprised that his brother hadn't already lunged at him.

"I'm not a failure", Leonardo told slowly, keeping his voice steady although he wasn't sure he believed himself the words,

"You're just trying to mind game with me, Raph. It's you and your actions we are here to talk about."

No, Leo didn't believe himself. Raph's earlier words about he suffering due to his lack of competence were echoing in his head again. And Raph seemed to smell it.

"Games? Come on, Fearless, ya know I'm much more than that", Raph kept grinning, starting slowly to circulate Leonardo, who kept standing his shiny swords exposed. Raph took a step towards Leo, investigating him with his scornful gaze. Leo couldn't help shivering. Not because he was afraid of his brother, which he wasn't, but because he was surprised by the power of Raph's anger that suddenly washed over him. This time Leo really had made Raph angry with him.

Leo lowered his _katana_ taking a deep breath before trying a new tactic on Raph:

"Look. I'm sorry if you feel I've threatened your privacy. I...I just didn't know what to do. You should talk to me --"

"No Leo, I shouldn't", Raph backed off a little,

"And ye're not in ta place ta tell me what I should and should not do. Not anymore, at least", Raph looked the other way while thinking back the insults Leo had thrown him at Don's chamber, before laying his eyes on Leo again,

"Good leaders aren't supposed ta spy around other's personal business."

Leo was holding his breath. He could now understand how much the lack of trust could hurt. What he had done to Raph wasn't any different that what Raph did to him by refusing to trust him.

_I'm a failure. Raphael knows it. He deserves better than this sorry excuse of a leader._

Raph snapped out of his thoughts to find Leo still standing still. Raph snorted at him, boring his eyes into Leos':

"Or maybe ya just should step down and let someone take the charge who's able ta do it."

"And who is that, Raph? You?" Leonardo asked his voice almost breaking down. He sheathed his _katana_ and stepped towards Raph. They were standing only inches away from each other.

"Anyone but ya, Leo."

"You don't mean that", Leonardo said quietly. He meant to yell the words, but somehow they came out as a mere whisper. His throat felt dry. All the authority had gone from his presence. He was suddenly aware of how weak he appeared. Raph snorted at him.

"Oh yes I do. And don't ya ever dare to stuck yer beak in my business. I've got better things to do than play with ya."

_That attitude of Raph...I can't stand it!_

Leonardo found strength to challenge Raphael one last time:

"Like what? Is your little army of sexslaves waiting for you? You're so high on hormones such as testosterones you're unable to do anything else than rant and fight?"

"Jealous, are ya? 'Cause yer pathetic little life revolves around meditating and _kata_, ya can't stand ta see me doing happily something else!" Raph went mad.

"Raph, our lifestyle, the way of _ninjutsu_ requires some extra dedication", Leo said, gaining some more self-confidence to his voice tone. It was a familiar lecture. Familiarity gave confidence. Leo could pull this lecture through even if he were asleep.

"We are ninjas, for god's sake. I mean what would master Splinter say if --"

Spelling Splinter's name out startled Raph for good.

"I'm totally done with ya. Don't speak ta me ever again."

Raph rushed out of the _dojo_. From the open doorway Leo could see Don and Mike, who probably had been listening to every word of their fight. Don was shaking his head with somehow lecturing gaze in his eyes, and Mike was just looking sad.

Right now Leo wanted to fall asleep and wake up noticing this whole day would have been a mere dream.


	15. XV The blindness that binds us

XV – THE BLINDNESS THAT BINDS US

Master Splinter had just gotten out of the shower to be able to hear the heavy footsteps heading to the entrance of their lair. The door was opened and then shut again with such temper there was no question who it had been.

"Raphael..." Splinter muttered pacing to the door of the bathroom. He opened it slightly to have a perfect view down to the first floor to his three sons, who were gathered to the entrance of their _dojo_.

He saw Leonardo holding his temples, apparently going through a large diversity of feelings, from sorrow till anger. Donatello looked like he was lecturing to his eldest brother and Michelangelo tried to do his best to cheer his both brothers. The two older turtles seemed to ignore his efforts, probably thinking he didn't understand the seriousness of the situation.

"Fools", Splinter shook his head while retrieving back to the bathroom closing the door.

_While Michelangelo may be the most light-hearted of us, there are no excuse to believe in his innocent ignorance and blindness._

Splinter knew very well, that his youngest son was always very aware of every twist and turn what happened around him. Besides his natural curiosity towards his family members and friends, Michelangelo could easily see through people.

_Through those people, who are fool enough to underestimate his power of observation_, Splinter pondered, plugging in his hair-dryer that miss O'Neil kindly had given him for his birthday, or re-birthday, for it actually was the annual of their mutation.

_His brothers are wrong. After seeing Leonardo in a state like that, Michelangelo will fully understand the seriousness of the situation. He'll probably be the first to learn anything about it._

Splinter started the hairdryer, letting the pleasant, warm air brush his face.

Neither Leonardo nor Raphael had come to see their master about the argument that had been going between them lately. Splinter had a pretty good idea what the argument was about, although it was cloaked into a little meaningless fights they were having every now and then.

_As a father I would like to let my children to have...hmm, the world of theirs. I'm just an old rat, what should I know about...these 'things' kids tend to be interested in that certain age._

Splinter sighed and stopped the hairdryer to comb his fur. The tangles were easiest to open when the fur was still a bit moisture but not too wet.

_On the other hand I see difficult issues rising between Leonardo and Raphael. Sometimes it's very problematic to be both father and ninja master at the same time._

He was certain that his sons would overcome their disagreement, but another one would soon take place if they didn't take heed from this one. Splinter started the hairdryer again pondering different choices he had.

_This isn't going to be easy to any of us_, he acknowledged,  
But that is what being a family is about: joying and suffering with and because of each other.

* * *

When Splinter stepped out of the bathroom, the turtles had left from the living area. A faint scent of sandalwood coming from the_ dojo_ suggested, that one of them was having his meditation in there.

Silently the rat entered the _dojo_, taking a good look at Leonardo. He saw from his slightly tensed face, that it was a remorse practice rather than a calming meditation. He knew his eldest son had always enjoyed sandalwood fragrance for its soothing nature. But at the moment it appeared that Leonardo needed some of Donatello's tranquillizers in order to really relax.

Leonardo opened his eyes, for he had realized he was no longer alone. He wasn't surprised at all to notice that he was staring at his father's knowing eyes.

"It's late, my son", Splinter remarked, referring to the fact that usually at this time of night Leonardo was most likely to be found from his own room.  
"I know, _sensei_", Leonardo nodded.  
"Is there any particular reason to be up this late?" Splinter inquired, seating himself opposite of the turtle.  
"I...I had a fight with Raphael", Leonardo said quietly, taking his eyes away from his master's.  
"My son", Splinter started,  
"Lately you two have been fighting all the time. Why --"  
"I know and it's not right!" Leonardo interrupted Splinter tensely. A quick look at his master's face told him that he had forgotten his place. It was something that could be expected from his little brothers but not from him, not from _'the golden boy'_ he was so hard trying to be.  
"I'm sorry, master."  
"Apology accepted. I do trust that it will not happen again."

Leo shivered when Splinter said _'trust'_. It just had to be that choice of words tonight, right?

"Thank you, _sensei_. I'll watch my tongue for now on."  
"So tell me, what it is that disturbs you?"  
"I crossed a line I shouldn't have. My judgment failed me."

Splinter was hoping Leonardo would be wise enough not to go into any details that weren't necessary.

"And why did you do it?"  
"I guess I didn't trust him...and I was so blinded by it I refused to realize there was so much I couldn't see."  
Splinter inhaled deeply like sucking in Leonardo's words to give a thought about them. After a silent moment he continued asking:  
"What tells you it was your judgment that failed?"  
"I...I'm not sure. I guess I just want to go back in time and change some events. Although I was so sure at the moment, that I was right...that it was the right thing to do. But then it hit me, that maybe it wasn't about what's right and wrong, that it's something...something else. I...I don't know...I regret my actions", Leo wasn't sure his speech made any sense in his master's ears, but Splinter answered:  
"I'm very well aware of your passionate nature, my son. You are sincere, but the world is seldom as black and white as our simple minds are trying to understand it."

Leonardo flinched. Master Splinter was calling him simple minded. Hearing master Splinter scold him made his stomach turn inside out. He always tripped to his own pride, he always thought he was ready, he always thought he knew the best...

_Wait, didn't master Splinter just say 'our' simple minds..?_

"Humbleness comes among age for those who find it hard to gain elsewhere", Splinter remarked somehow dryly, apparently acknowledging his son's thoughts. Leo pressed his head expressing his shame.  
"I've learned a lot of lessons myself the hard way", Splinter said then with softened voice,  
"And this will be a lesson more for me."  
Leo lifted his head with a questioning glance glimmering in his eyes.  
"What do you mean, _sensei_?"  
Splinter smiled softly.  
"As much as I wanted to save you four, my loved ones from the harsh school life is throwing at us, I can't do it. You are growing, and there will be time I'm not guiding you like this..."  
"Father!" Leo exclaimed in panic, but Splinter raised his hand to silence him.  
"I'm not leaving anywhere, yet. But what I wanted to say, life keeps throwing in front of us things we just can not prepare ourselves. It's a thing you too should accept. Life is a flow you can't control. If you build a dam, the flow stops. And that's not what you want, isn't that?"  
"Stop the flow of life? No, of course not."  
"What we can do, is to control ourselves in the flow, and be aware of our surroundings."

Leonardo nodded, although he was actually too tired to think about Splinter's words. With a deep sigh he whispered:  
"Father...I'm not sure if I qualify as a leader anymore. I mean I...I tried to be strong and good leader, and it all ended up that I just hurt Raph. It hurt Mikey and Donny too."  
"Come here my son", Splinter spread his arms and Leonardo hugged him,  
"We'll find a way."

* * *

A/N:

So, that's it for _It's no good_. I'll continue _Follow the leader_ -trilogy in the next part _Make me better_. But I guess I'll concentrate on another story I've got in my mind for a while.


End file.
